


The Sassy Recipe or Hoarding Freemen

by VayceThreyvaCeciliaHoldshire1726



Category: American (US) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Martin Freeman - Fandom, Morgan Freeman - Fandom, The Hobbit
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Funny, Just some random stuff, Random & Short, Sassy, kingdom - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24988234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VayceThreyvaCeciliaHoldshire1726/pseuds/VayceThreyvaCeciliaHoldshire1726
Summary: Martin Freeman is the King of Sass in a foreign magical land and his dragon guards the sassy recipe. When the dragon figures that Martin is very exhausted, he decides to add another Freeman to his collection.(In class I was supposed to build a story out of these words: "sassy, boat, exhaust, fetid, rain dance, segue". Reading "sassy" I just couldn' t NOT write a fanfiction about Martin Freeman in the widest way and well it just ended up becoming a weird sort of mix of things that I think to by funny.)
Relationships: None





	The Sassy Recipe or Hoarding Freemen

Martin Freeman was the king of sass. He did not have his dragon watch over gold or coins, his treasure was the **sassy** recipe. No matter the question - he would always find an answer to it. And the answer would always be sassy.

"Don't you feel **exhaust** ed at times?", the dragon asked one day. Many moons had passed since somebody had paid them a visit for the last time.   
It was only demands and demands, but nobody cared so much as to return a "Thank you".

Martin Freeman was busy preparing the sass. Currently he was kneading clay, but he needed more sauce - good thing that he was British and knew about the impact of colloquialisms. 

"F*ck it, just shut up. This is no time to be exhausted. The sass needs to be prepared on point."

The dragon started to feel sorry for his Freeman, King of Sass, slowly losing the shimmer of what made him himself, providing the entire kingdom with sass. Delivering it, too. Serving everybody in need of it a nice piece of sass. But it wore him out. The dragon knew that. And that's where I step into the picture.  
Allow me to introduce myself: Morgan Freeman, the man everybody wants their life story narrated by.

The dragon had me imported by **boat**. Quite a weird way to describe my journey that did not stop at the harbour – I had had to walk mile after mile and to climb mountains – but well, I’m not the author, just the narrator.

So, I arrived on a very windy, very rainy Sunday afternoon. I wasn’t scared, the dragons in these lands were more the politician type than the fire-spitting-monster type you would expect. On the other hand, politicians could also be scary… anyway. When I arrived, I saw the dragon laying on the floor, head placed on his claws, with nothing to do. No intruders, except for me.

“I’ve been waiting for you”, the dragon said.

“Now I’m here. What d’you need me for?”, I said.

The dragon told me all about his plan of helping out his king of Sass. First, he offered me some **fetid** buckeyes, because you know, it’s great to have a snack when following a plot. Then he outlined to me how he would start a new longing in the denizens’ hearts. They would no longer wish for as much sass as before. They would want stories as well – told by me.

“But why me?”

“Freemen have a special sort of magic, you know? And yours is the talent of narration. People love your voice. They love listening to you. And maybe, just maybe, that will be enough to give my Martin a little rest.”

This is a clever segue to the next scene. Being able to break the fourth wall is simply refreshing.

I know how to tell a story. To narrate it, actually. ‘If you’re looking to improve your voice, yawn a lot’, I once told an interviewer, ‘It relaxes your throat muscles.’ Being honest with you lot, and I guess I can trust you, right? – that was just clever talking. When you stand in front of a crowd, like I do, and they want you to narrate them a story, it’s not that easy. I could perhaps perform a rain dance or try to tell some jokes… but to keep your voice low, to have it sound good, you need to relax. And that is easier said than done, standing on a stage on the next town’s market place. 

Although I am a skilled actor and this isn’t my first time on stage, I am quite nervous if you will like my story. The dragon said he would eat me if you don’t – I don’t know if he was being sarcastic. Is there a Freeman Lord of Sarcasm around, too? I don’t know, I don’t know that. 

So, I stand on the stage, and I don’t know what to say. People are expecting a story from me. That’s when Martin joins me on the stage. He waves at the people, then he whispers to me: “Don’t you see? They are longing for a story.”

“But what kind of story? I’m just the narrator.”

“Well, what about the kind that deals with dragons, kings and storytellers? You're Morgan f*cking Freeman! For Christ's sake, just go for it!”

I yawn, then I start to narrate a story. And I call it 'The Sassy Recipe or Hoarding Freemen'


End file.
